The Sweet Sound of Snoring

I have to work tonight.  And as usual I am having trouble sleeping during the day.  Today I am lucky though.  My son is sleeping next to me.  I love the days when I’m sleeping for the night and he’s taking his nap.  Although it irks me that he sleeps way better than I do during this time, I do love to wake up and hear the sweet sound of his breathing snoring.  It’s a rather calming sound, strange I know.  I sit here whispering into those darling little ears, almost begging him… Please don’t leave your momma.  I don’t know what I’d do without you.  Promise me you’ll be here with me forever.  Promise your momma, please. My heart breaking at the thought, with tears streaming down my face.  It’s a private pain.

I want to see his first day of school, to see him play his first baseball game, watch him ride his bicycle for the first time.  I want to see beyond the next few years.  It’s every mom’s wish but not many mom’s have to really worry that they won’t.

The questions still come.  How is he doing? What are you going to do?  I never have an answer more than, day by day.

We don’t know much more about M’s condition and where his course of treatment will take him.  It suffices to say that the medical bureaucracy that is the insurance company is not one easy to understand.  We’re still handling issues while he was in utero and I expect we will be battling these issues for a long time to come.

That is why, all I can do is enjoy moments like this.  While I can’t seem to sleep, I can sit here in the quiet of the afternoon and place kisses all over my sleeping baby and listen to the soothing sounds of his rhythmic breathing snoring….