MOM CONFESSIONALS

I have always had eczema since I was a child. It was mostly confined to my hands for most of my life and the occasional flare up on my face, although I remember one stint on my foot and of course, the usual crook of my arms, back of my knees and junction of my underarms. Sometimes it got so bad, I’ve actually gone to First Aid and had my skin scrubbed raw. I had used every topical prescription on the market including Protopic, the now black labeled topical steroid cream.

Revealing a more masochistic side of me, I remember in the middle of the night, secretly turning on the faucet until it was scalding hot, to give my itchy hands some relief… despite my parents and my doctors telling me that it would make my skin more dry and cause the eczema to flare up even more. All I knew was after a few dips in the scalding hot water, my skin didn’t itch anymore and I wasn’t spending the night consumed with tearing the skin off my fingers until it bleed or filled with puss, allowing me to fall asleep before the itch returned. I now know it was probably because I killed those nerves that told me it itched.

This is what I call being a good parent. Only now because of my pregnancy, do I heed what my doctor is actually telling me. When my eczema flared up to the worst it has ever been in my life, I was begging for some relief. None was given, but much advice was dispensed. My flare up, which the doctor said had much to do with stress, had now consumed my entire body, with the exception of my feet. It began on both my face and my stomach, spreading to my arms and my legs and now my back… little red welts, dry skin patches and an incredible itchiness which I spend practically all day willing myself not to scratch. Under the advice of my doctor, I slathered on the Aquaphor, even though the idea of something so thick on even my face grossed me out. Desperation, makes you do things you never thought you would do. Instead of scalding hot water, I turned the other knob, to gradually ice cold. Even my showers start at warm, to ease myself in, and then slowly the knob turns colder and colder and colder as I progressed. Now the additional bonus I felt, was that I was being a little more environmental. I wasn’t utilizing or wasting energy to heat up more water. I still spent the following hour after the shower, with aquaphor slathered on, a bottle of Sarna nearby for the itch I can’t resist, willing myself not to scratch and doing a lot of slow, calming, breathing to bring my body temperature down. But I did see a significant improvement on how often I wanted to scratch and a major significant improvement in the eczema flare up. While most bumpy eruptions appear after my shower, by morning they are reduced to flat little red dots on my body. Any itch equaled dry patch and on came the dab of aquaphor and some more breathing until the itch subsided. While I’m sure some drug out there post pregnancy would make it all disappear instantly, I was happy to find a more natural approach to dealing with my chronic eczema. It also gave me some sympathy for a much younger self, I really didn’t had this kind of self control as a child, to not scratch or not scald my skin. Hopefully if any of my children have to suffer the same condition, I will be more sympathetic to their pain.

The hardest part of all of this wasn’t even the willing not to scratch, but rather something inevitable that I kept pushing off, weaning my daughter off breastfeeding. My doctor concluded that the stress of school, nursing my 2 year old and providing nourishment to a developing fetus which having severe nausea was causing my body to act out in the form of major eczema flare ups. While we knew the nausea should get better soon, school and fetus was inevitable but my daughter’s nursing days had to end. In some sense, while it was heartbreaking for the both of us, I know that in the end it will be better for us both. With the new baby coming in 5 short months, I hope this gives her enough time to forget about breastfeeding and avoid the jealousy that might have ensued watching the new baby nurse with Mommy when she wasn’t allowed to anymore. I am happy that at least I was able to surpass my 2 year mark even if it was only for a few weeks past and am confident that I put her health on the right path.

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Sigh… this pregnancy is so COMPLETELY different that my last one. Not only am I nausea all the time… I’ve got all sorts of food aversions which most of the time I don’t realize until the food is in front of me and I want to hurl… but to top it all off… my skin is in its worst condition EVER! I’ve got a rash all over my stomach… mostly concentrated according to the doctor, on my stretch marks… but it has spread to my legs… and most horrifyingly to my FACE! I want to tear the skin off everywhere! It’s so consumingly itchy!!! Trying to find some relief, I was happy to find some Calming Cream in my closet along with a bottle of Sarna… feel the cooling relief… ahhhh! It’s shortlived though… I had been using Cutivate prior to my pregnancy for the treatment of my minor excema outbreaks and was told by my OB that it was OK as a topical steroid for me to use. For some reason today… after applying just a dab on my face today, hoping for some quick remedy before the wedding we have to attend on friday afternoon… I decided to do some research on the internet… NOW I’m frightened…
From http://www.themedicine.net/drugs/cutivate.html
Topical corticosteroids like Cutivate may cause birth defects especially when applied in large amounts. If you are or think you may be pregnant, do not use Cutivate without first checking with your doctor.

Nursing mothers should switch to bottle feed while using Cutivate.

From http://www.rxlist.com/cutivate-lotion-drug.htm
Pregnancy Category C. Corticosteroids have been shown to be teratogenic in laboratory animals when administered systemically at relatively low dosage levels. Some corticosteroids have been shown to be teratogenic after dermal application in laboratory animals.

Systemic embr yofetal development studies were conducted in mice, rats and rabbits. Subcutaneous doses of 15, 45 and 150 µg/kg/day of fluticasone propionate were administered to pregnant female mice from gestation days 6 – 15. A teratogenic effect characteristic of corticosteroids (cleft palate) was noted after administration of 45 and 150 µg/kg/day (less than the MRHD in adults based on body surface area comparisons) in this study.

Subcutaneous doses of 10, 30 and 100 µg/kg/day of fluticasone propionate were administered to pregnant female rats in two embryofetal development studies (one study administered fluticasone propionate from gestation days 6 – 15 and the other study from gestation days 7 – 17). In the presence of maternal toxicity, fetal effects noted at 100 µg/kg/day (less than the MRHD in adults based on body surface area comparisons) included decreased fetal weights, omphalocele, cleft palate, and retarded skeletal ossification.

I can’t even go on… I don’t think I’ve used it that often during my pregnancy, but only a handful of times… but definitely during my first trimester… Normally I am ever so cautious, and with Ava’s pregnancy I didn’t touch anything prescription based other than my prenatals. Has my relaxed attitude gotten me in trouble? and I have my Ultrascreen today…

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After a terrifying scare yesterday I am taking things easy for the next few days. Thankfully the baby is okay, I was so relieved to see his/her little heartbeat on the sonogram screen. I literally was hyperventilating and didn’t want to look at the screen until the doctor saw the baby. I was so terrified that the baby either wasn’t there anymore or worse… dead. Waking up to a toilet full of blood and what looked like a full period to me sent me from 0 to -1000 as far as emotions went. I couldn’t even help but assume the worst and think of all the things I had done recently to cause this happen. My father in law of course couldn’t help to interject that I just HAD to lift the huge projection TV and get the dolly out from under it the day before. Meanwhile in my head I’m chastising myself for the 2 oysters I had to have since I was getting it FRESH from the source or maybe it was the taste of banana flambe that had rum in it I took at dinner or maybe those 2 Sangria’s I had before I found out I was pregnant weeks ago that set the pregnancy already weak. I spent the excruciating hour before I could see the doctor, bargaining with God, begging him to let my baby be okay. Thankfully this time we’re okay. It’s almost as if I can’t get a break. My husband recently said to me that I seem to be so lax with this pregnancy, eating steaks medium or drinking Pepsi. I guess compared to my pregnancy with Ava, I have been. I would not have had steak period since I consider anything less than medium rare uneatable. I didn’t give into my Pepsi/Coke cravings until much further along and usually not more than a few sips. Is it so wrong just to want to be normal. I want to be that pregnant woman that says I’m going to eat whatever I want because I’m nausea and whatever wants to go in, will go in. I’m so tired of the rules… It’s not for lack of love for this baby, or lack of wanting him/her because I do so. I just want to breath… not have to worry every second, second guess every decision I make. I want to enjoy this pregnancy. Instead I’m the woman who instead of renting her fetal Doppler, bought one last night. Hoping that it will give me the peace of mind I need when I think something is wrong. Instead I’m the one sitting at home… resting… praying the baby won’t just drop out of me… surfing the Internet and researching the latest baby gear that has come out since Ava’s birth…

then the next minute, I’m upset because everyone keeps calling this baby… #2… why does it bother me so much?! I’ve been so careful with my wording… yes, we expecting again… or we’re having another baby… but never giving him or her a number… it is too hard to ask in this day in age where people are having conception problems to be a little more politically correct? sigh… i do know that no one is doing it out of spite, rather they probably don’t know or have forgotten. Perhaps it’s the later that is bothering me so much. Forgetting… the one thing I don’t ever want to do. RIP Emma…

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Why do doctors become idiots once the line between their specializations overlap? Even if I didn’t have high-risk pregnancies it infuriates me that once I become sick, my OB/GYN and my general practitioner both point fingers at each other. It’s as if neither wants to take responsibility if something goes wrong. As if I don’t have enough things to worry about, now I have to think if either have mine and my baby’s best interest in their suggested care.

I do believe in the power of good customer care. I appreciate when my pharmacist, at Super-Target, sees me and remembers that I am pregnant, even if she doesn’t know my name. She does work at Super-Target of course and probably sees thousands of people each week. I love my manicurists, even if they weren’t such a deal, I’d still go to them because they remember my name and are always so nice.

Sometimes friends disappoint. Its funny how friends you expect to hurt you, won’t and the one you don’t expect, will. But also how friends can surprise you. When you give a person the benefit of the doubt, you might be surprised by how great they really can be.

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As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, with the new baby on the way, I am really considering cloth diapering this time around. There are a bevy of cute options out there which makes it all the more easier… cause I’m such a sucker for good design. Currently Apple Cheeks is the front runner of course with their button snaps. But I am still struggling with all the additional work I think using cloth diapers will require. Perhaps it’s all the extra work that I fear. Do you remember when baby first came home? It was sheer chaos for the first several months. Add breastfeeding every two hours and it compounds. I remember being in such a haze for the first few months. I’m not even sure how I managed. Everyday seemed to be filled with feeding baby every two hours, changing diapers 8- 10 times a day, doing laundry – washing and folding, washing bottles for milk storage, sterilizing bottles, pumping, cleaning pumping equipment. I remember my hands being so raw and dry from all the washing and antibacterial soap usage (pre-CleanWell discovery)… collapsing on the floor every now and then in tears of exhaustion. My husband picking me up off the floor and plopping me in a warm bath to breath… In retrospect, am I totally crazy to be doing this again?! Of course not. I love my Ava and it does get better every day. Getting through those first few months though is key. Perhaps I use the URBAN mom tag a bit too much to compensate for my being lazy, but once I commit to something, I go all the way… So if I go in with cloth diapering, I’m all in… just getting to the part where I’m all IN is TOUGH… I think one thing that is definitely a plus for cloth diaper is my commitment to breastfeeding this baby as well. I’m sure you know that the poo and pee of a breastfeed infant is much less “staining or damaging” than that of a formula fed baby. If I had to admit my biggest problem I have with cloth diapering is having to deal with POO… I already hate dealing with it in diapers, how the heck will I manage with cloth diapers. The germaphobe in me is screaming at the thought of poo stained diapers running through my washing machine and the thought of any other cloths going in there following… thinking there will be remnants of poo somewhere in the machine… mixing with my intimates… ewww!!!

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The standard in prenatal care is of course your regular OB-GYN visits and prenatal vitamins. Ever since I became a Shaklee Independent Distributor and a huge fan of their nutrition products I thought it would be a natural fit to use them instead of my prescription prenatals when I did finally get pregnant. Now that day has arrived, if I haven’t admitted it before, I’m neurotic. So out comes the comparison charts. I compared my Vitalizer to my old prenatals, Optinate. While a majority of the vitamins in Vitalizer came out on top, the ones I considered vital for prenatal care, was lacking, Folic Acid and the new favorite on the prenatal care route, DHA. A call to my OB-GYN to double check that they were prescribing the same prenatal vitamins yielded a new preferred vitamin called Citra Natal 90 DHA. Once again the comparison. Unfortunately that yielded the same results, most vitamins were in higher concentration in Vitalizer except for DHA and Folic Acid. What I didn’t know was that no over the counter vitamins would provide the OB-GYN’s recommended Folic Acid intake of 1mg.
Perhaps its just a getting older thing but taking vitamins has become very important to me. I’m the first to admit we don’t have the healthiest of diets. While I am definitely trying to make a more conscientious effort to eat better by eating fresh fruits, more vegetables, etc., That definitely doesn’t always happen. My mother-in-law is a wonderful cook but I wouldn’t say it’s the healthiest either. So taking vitamin supplements has become increasingly important in our house – everyone from my Mother-in-law who is taking Vitalea Gold with Vitamin K, to my husband’s Vitalizer and even little Ava who is on Shaklee Baby Multivitamin & Multimineral Powder. For me during pregnancy, aside from my usual fears of taking perfect care of my body and baby I’m carrying, I’m also aware of what a toll pregnancy can be on my body. When I say that I have never spent so much money at a dentist than when I was pregnant and the years following, it’s not an exaggeration. I was beginning to think we should all go into dentistry after forking over almost $10,000! Yep, you are seeing TEN thousand dollars, if not more. I know that genetics has a hand in this as well, bad teeth simply run in my family. My sister had gone to the dentist earlier in the year and her diagnosis was 13 cavities – yikes! Which in actuality was way better than my 5 root canals. Seems my teeth has severely weakened during my pregnancy and subsequent months of breastfeeding. My old metal fillings has worn away, creating pits, as well as stress lead gum inflammations. My teeth were a mess! I was determined to do what it took to prevent this teeth breakdown this time around if I could. I would even drink more milk – yuk!
My upline manager was happy to make her recommendations for prenatal care which actually didn’t include the vitalizer in my original comparison. Instead it was still a combination of 6+ pills including Vitalea with Iron, B-Complex, Osteomatrix and Optiflora Pre & Pro-Biotic. Even though it was still very early on in the pregnancy, I was already very nausea. I would do it if it was the best combination, even if it was tough to swallow all those pills.
Unfortunately the vitamin mix did not include DHA which was something I was very keen on. I tried to find a supplement that would provide pure DHA, without the usual EPA included in most over the counter Omega-3 supplements. My research had shown that EPA may not be recommended for infants or small children because they upset the balance between DHA and EPA during early development. Pregnant women should also be cautious about taking fish oil supplements. Most OB-GYN’s avoid these effects by using DHA supplements derived from algae sources, which do not contain EPA. http://www.umm.edu/altmed/ConsSupplements/DocosahexaenoicAcidDHAcs.html What I didn’t know, according to my pharmacist, pure DHA supplements are prescription only and usually not separate from Prenatal Vitamins. Her suggestion was to stick with the prenatal’s my OB-GYN suggested and speak to him regarding adding supplements. While I haven’t consulted with my OB-GYN yet, I will later on this week, but I’m hoping that a combination of my CitraNatal90DHA and Vitalea with Iron supplements will get the okay from my doctor.

{ disclosure : Shaklee Independent Distributor }

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This post was originally dated May 6th, 2009. Now that @MomTalkRadio made it public news and my tweeples who’ve been paying attention know, why not you too?!

I am so unbelievably happy! I want to tell everyone I know! I want to call everyone and just share with everyone! I can’t contain it! DH just text me that he’s so happy too but to keep it quiet for a little while (knowing our history) – but I want to scream! I did a little happy dance! Skipped around my house… giggled… I’m so deliriously happy, I can’t contain it! I should mention that when I received his text I was on the phone with my sister doing exactly what he said NOT to do… sharing… because I can’t help it! He did stop the chain though because I was thinking in my head, who do I call next?!! who who WHO?! That’s right Twitterverse, we’re having a BABY! Yea!!!! I want to save this moment forever! This is the best moment ever! Why you ask?! Well because I was totally not expecting it! We had been trying for a few months and despite the many ovulation tests and pregnancy tests, nothing happened. In fact, to my knowledge I completely didn’t ovulate at all last month! I was so depressed I actually allowed myself to indulge in (2) sangrias in the past week. I NEVER drink, EVER! I haven’t had a drink in YEARS! Although with the learnings I’ve had in my Human Growth & Development Lectures, those two drinks are making me a little nervous… But I am going to be good as GOLD from this point on and pray pray pray that this baby is okay and will make it. I just can’t believe it! I was totally shocked! After thinking I completely didn’t ovulate at all last month, I was depressed. I thought my cycle was completely out of whack again. I had all these wierd twinges and of course my retroverted uterus diagnosis looming in the back of my mind. So I’m thinking… sigh… another month goes by… I totally dismissed my late period thinking, wacky cycle. I even dismissed the bouts of nausea to my MIL’s bad cooking or a documentary mostly filmed by a handheld camera or bad restaurant food. Then this morning, I’m thinking I’m a total freak, wearing a “pad” for the any minute now period for over a week… I’m thinking WHAT IF?! OMG WHAT IF?! I talked myself down, it’s just a wacky cycle, don’t get your hopes up… when did this happen if it did? I always knew the conception dates, how could I not know this time?! I’m thinking I’m totally crazy, but what’s the harm in taking a test… if it’s negative, I should have known it since I didn’t ovulate at all last month… if it’s positive, it’s a miracle!!! It’s a MIRACLE! I can’t believe it! I’m still in total disbelief! I’m glad I didn’t have that cup of black tea this morning and I’m glad I didn’t start the 30-day Shred this morning. Sorry Jillian and Tracy Anderson, it’s gonna be a while before I join you… I am good as GOLD from now on! I’ll be super careful and make sure everything goes well. So shush! It’s a secret! If I can’t tell my friends and family, I’ll tell my Tweeples!

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Normally a pregnancy is suppose to be a joyous time. Since I was cheated of that feeling the last couple of times, I really was determined to be joyous this time around. Alas, life never makes it easy does it. For a few months now a girlfriend (E) and I have been each other’s conception diary. We’ve been sharing our anticipation, our disappointments, our hopes and silly wishes, and of course tips I picked up from past experiences, all the while life is happening around us. Obviously when I first found out I was pregnant, E was one of the first few exclusive people I wanted to share my news with. Somehow life didn’t quite lend a hand to making that happen. I didn’t want to relay the news via what I considered an impersonal email, especially since her last voicemail regarded another disappointing ovulation cycle and her need to purchase another kit. I had planned on telling her to save her money, I could give her my unused 20-day kit, along with 2 pregnancy tests because… I no longer needed it! I had it all planned. After several traded voicemails, I had headed into my final weeks of school and the craziness that is FINAL EXAMS. Days go by and I have it in the back of my head to pick up the phone and give E a call when I need to take a break from studying. Instead on the morning of my Laboratory final, I recieved an instant message from a mutual friend letting me know that E’s mother-in-law had passed on. It was devasting but not unexpected news as she had been battling cancer for a while now. An earlier mother’s day voicemail had indicated that she was doing well and was in good spirits for the occasion. I had returned that voicemail with another one on how happy I was that they enjoyed Mother’s day together. Another voicemail from E, the following day, indicated a turn for the worst in her mention of being “on-call” for the hospital. That message urged me that our call wasn’t and shouldn’t be a short one, so I held off, waiting for a better time for me to sit down and give E my undivided attention. That time never came. Now tomorrow is the funeral and unfortunately I will not be able to attend. Chinese tradition/superstition prohibits a pregnant woman from attending funeral services. I haven’t even had a chance to tell E my good news, and yet this doesn’t seem quite like the time to share either. It hurts that I will not be able to tell her why I can’t be at the funeral and I hope that someday she will understand that I sincerely wish I could be there for her, her husband and her family but I can’t. I am also sad because, although it was never spoken outloud, I think her wanting to get pregnant had much to do with bringing a little joy to her mother-in-law at the thought of a grandchild, their first grandchild. So I sit here tonight with a heavy heart, trying to study for my next final exam… one down… two more to go!!!

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