MOM CONFESSIONALS

Being Chinese doesn’t necessarily mean you are Chinese. No time is that more clearer to me than when it comes to Chinese holiday traditions. I am fortunate enough that my husband’s family is firmly routed in traditional Chinese practices and have embraced each year with more and more enthusiasm. Especially now, with children of my own, I want them to grow up proud of their heritage and love these traditions as much as I do. As much as I’ve learned over the years with my husband’s family I am still learning.

This year I have had to actually dig behind the meaning of many of the rituals I perform yearly as this American-born Chinese girl is hosting a Chinese New Year Party for my daughter’s class. It’s a little ironic, but I am appreciating this opportunity to more than just the motions and really understand the meaning behind some of these, sometimes quirky rituals. Even if I don’t believe in ghosts and spirits, I can’t help but be enamored with the richness, beauty and history of each routine.

For instance, cleaning the house prior to Chinese New Year prepares the house for good luck. Anything broken, considered clutter, etc should be thrown out. This would be our version of spring cleaning. This could come in quite handy when the kids are older. Perhaps inspire them to ward off bad luck and invite more good luck, so clean real good kids!

I love shopping for Chinese New Year decoration. Banners adorned with Chinese calligraphy, chun lian, are hung throughout the house to usher in prosperity in the new year. I love to find one elaborate piece for the front door and I’ve taken to adorning smaller ones on my kid’s doors. For my daughter’s classroom, I’ve adorned it with signage and a couple of marionette dragons, the symbol of the upcoming New Year.

I didn’t know this before, but any cutting during Chinese New Year is considered unlucky. Thank goodness I cut my hair earlier this week. You always want to look your best for the New Year, unfortunately my nails fell short on that part, but I can’t do anything about that until after. New red clothing is usually the order for the New Year but a more modern take is simply wearing red underwear. I guess this New York girl can swing that. Definitely avoid wearing white and black. Duly noted!

Chinese New Year is typically an ongoing celebration for the first 15 days of the Lunar New Year. The eve of Chinese New Year is typically celebrated with a family dinner of fish – the chinese word yu sounds like another chinese word yu that means more or surplus, and dumplings — which symbolize wealth because of their shape, similar to the ancient gold & silver ingots. For my daughter’s class party, I’m serving up pan-fried dumplings and spring rolls.

One of my favorite dishes served is Nian Gao. My aunt use to make it from scratch, similar to another familiar dim sum dish, Law Bot Goe, but sweeter. When dipped in egg and pan-fried it is a delicious treat. I’m sure there is some significance to this treat but regardless, I’ve come to look forward to this dish every New Year.

Another favorite holiday tradition I’m looking forward to introducing to my kids is watching the parade. Filled with fireworks and lion dances, it never ceases me just how beautiful it is to watch. This year I am excited to take my kids for their first exposure to this wonderful celebration. Luckily in New Year we are not short of this timeless celebration.  The fireworks tradition began with the legend of Nian, a ferocious monster that was afraid of the color red and loud noises. It is believed the noisy fireworks and firecrackers scared the monster. Now, it is believed the more fireworks and noise there are, the more luck there will be in the New Year.  While fireworks have become illegal in New York, we have found other ways to make a loud bang.  My daughter’s class will be popping their way through the New Year with some Throw Poppers.

The kids aren’t quite old enough to embrace the holiday tradition of receiving red envelopes but my husband and I have eagerly embraced being the “adults” in this giving ritual. Each year we have fun shopping for the perfect red envelopes to give our gifts in. I can even admit, each year you can see we’ve grown a little. First year were Sanrio inspired red envelopes, following year more Sanrio, finally evolving to cartoonish drawings and calligraphy of the symbolic year. Eventually we’ll evolve to more grown up red envelopes as if anyone cares. We’re a little sad this year that we have to refrain from this tradition, as we are in mourning for the passing of the matriarch of the family.

Yes each year I’m learning a little more.

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I know its been a while… a long while. I didn’t mean for it to be such a long hiatus… but that is LIFE. I don’t even know what to say or even where to start. But here I am, finally resurfacing… well, because I need to. Taking it day by day. So I’m going to try to put my emotions to words.

Even before my son was born, I lived with this silent fear of losing him. As different diagnosis’ came in, I was always convinced this was it. This was all before he was even born. That fear never went away even when he blessed us with his appearance. I’d even venture to say it grew even more with every moment I got to know him and fall in love with him. Always nagging there in the back of my head. Always making small prayers of thankfulness whenever we reach a milestone. Always making new goals and yet still ever afraid. I don’t talk to anyone about these fears, not even my husband. I feel its a burden only a mom should feel. It’s not to say I don’t have these same fears about my daughter, but in a much less extreme way. She isn’t tainted. In fact she’s rather pure, my clarity and my anchor when those fears have me gripping the edge of my seat.

I almost went over the edge recently. It’s no secret my little guy is a little clumsy and you might even be able to dismiss it to the craziness of a 2 year old boy. That’s what I always try to do. But he fell… down the stairs. and then he fell again… and again… and again. Nurse Mommy, muah, went a little crazy thinking he might have fractured his skull and called the doctor. Not for his advice but to let him know that I was taking him to the ER as I know he would have suggested himself. Sometimes I need that reassurance that I’m not that crazy Nurse Mommy. So my little man was sedated and had a CT scan where it was revealed, to us anyway, that he had an arachnoid cyst. It seems it was there last year on a previous, routine (another long story), scan, but no one mentioned that to us. It was the VERY first time we had heard this. And we were devastated because it was growing. GROWING and no one had ever told us it was there in the first place! I had to put that aside and just deal with this growing cyst. GROWING CYST.

If there was ever a true moment I’ve contemplated suicide, this was one of them. I just didn’t know if I could bear it. I know I wouldn’t because of Ava, but if I lost my beautiful Marcus who ran to me every time when I came home with such joy, I would rather die. I hope I don’t sound crazy, but it is the most unbearable pain to feel, the thought of losing your child to something out of your control and I just don’t know what I am capable of handling when it comes to my children. My sister always says God gives you only as much as you can handle and I want to scream. I’m not as strong as he thinks, especially when it comes to the two little people I love more than life itself. And yet I’ve found strength in increments.

I love my husband for his quiet calm. I was emotionless outside and dying inside and he just gave me my space. As we traveled from one doctor’s visit to the next, he let me be silent. But he picked me up when I broke down in the middle of a department store as we quietly tried to restore some normalcy to a week that was so not. He let me cry it out and then recompose myself and once again be silent. He tried to help as best he could. If you came to our house now, you’ll see he’s installed toddler level handle bars all over the stairs. While it has no bearing on his cyst, I think it made him feel better and me, safer. We’ve walked in quiet tandem. We haven’t told our immediate family because I just can’t form the words to explain how this is happening to their beloved little Marcus. In all of this, my husband also lost his beloved grandmother, the proud matriarch of the family. It was devastating to everyone and sharing Marcus’ condition with them would have been too overwhelming. It’s okay though… really it is. I won’t say it isn’t strange living in a house where his grandparents are clueless to his condition, although I think they have their suspicions that all may not be well — I mean after the ER my husband didn’t go to work for a week with doctors visits left and right, not to mention the hovering and spoiling of both kids… I’d like to think they are trusting us, as parents, to handle this our way.

As much as we’re hovering over him, we don’t want him to have anything other than a normal day, a normal life… just the way he loves it. We’ll dance to Fresh Beat Band with him and help him build his train tracks and endlessly say chugga chugga choo to his laughter and delight.

So there it is. Why I’ve been so MIA. But don’t worry, I’m picking myself up… and taking it day by day. Everyday is a gift and I will hug and kiss my kids as much as I can. I no longer care if my son sleeps in our bed until he’s a teen, he can stay as long as he wants. He can breastfeed until he wants to quit.

Life resumes as usual. I have been going to work and it really is my happy place. I spend it with new moms and their babies. Nothing gives me more joy than a mom successfully breastfeeding, whether its because I’ve helped her or her baby was a natural. I come home every morning to that same excitable, palpable welcome from my kids and maybe I might hug them for a smidge longer but it is business as usual once again.

Tonight I went to the launch party for Jessica Alba’s new company (baby), Honest Company, –just another bit of normal in my life — and I think she said it best, “My passion is my kids…” I just couldn’t help nodding my head.

I will no longer sweat the small stuff. I will relish in their joys. Because when things are out of your control, all you can do is take it one day at a time.

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Just in time for your holidays, I was honored to co-host with Nancy Johnson Horn (The Mama Maven) and Esti Berkowitz (Primetime Parenting) an exclusive Media preview of LOFT’s inspiring charms benefiting St. Jude, before they officially went on sale last week.

The limited edition necklaces designed by Dogeared, represent the LOVE, JOY and HOPE of the patients at St. Jude.  Everyday I am thankful as St Jude’s motto “Give thanks for the healthy kids in your lives…” and as an RN I am touched by the children whose paths I cross with who are not.  They are some of the most extraordinary kids I have ever met.  These children deserve to live a full life and the research that is done at St. Jude gets us one day closer to that every single day.  If there is even a small contribution, “and give to those who are not.” I can make, I would.  Being able to make a purchase that does good means just as much to me as making a purchase that is good for one’s health, because it’s good for one’s soul.

These small charms are affordable and gorgeous for that special someone in your life, or even for yourself.  Each charm retails for $26 and five dollars from the purchase of every charm will be donated to St. Jude.  The inspiring charms are available for sale starting today, December 5th, in LOFT stores nationwide and on LOFT.com. To learn more about the charms and meet the children they benefit, visit LOFT’s Facebook page.

This marks the fifth year of ANN INC.’s participation in the St. Jude Thanks and Giving campaign – the hospital’s national awareness and fundraising campaign that brings together celebrities, media and corporations to ask shoppers to “Give thanks for the healthy kids in your life, and give to those who are not.”

Since 2007, the company has raised over $6.7 million for St. Jude through its ANN Cares® charitable initiatives. As part of the ongoing partnership, now through December 31st, customers who shop at LOFT and LOFT Outlet stores will have an opportunity to support St. Jude through an add-on donation during the check out process. Additionally, ANN INC. has committed to donate up to $100,000 from the sale of limited edition products benefiting St. Jude during the Thanks and Giving® campaign, including the three LOFT Cares charm necklaces.

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As everyone knows, it’s been a super busy year for me.  Graduating from nursing school to starting a new job.  It’s not surprising to say the least that it’s been a while since I’ve spoiled myself.  The fabulous people at JC Penney wanted to remind me and my readers the importance of pampering yourself this holiday season.  But you don’t need a reason to pamper yourself!  It’s not just a season of giving, but a season of renewal.  So treat yourself, heck, spoil yourself because you deserve it!  Armed with a $50 JCPenney gift card, I checked out their newly launched WRAPT boutique filled with tons of affordable items that made my $50 really stretch.  Spoiling yourself doesn’t have to be something huge.  It just has to be something that makes you happy and glamorous!  For me, a girl who is always on the computer, I had to have the Bling bejeweled mini-mouse on sale for only $12!  Now I’ll be blogging in style!

Shopping for an impossible someone?  There are so many great gift ideas in the WRAPT boutique.  Something for the sweet tooth, the electronic junky, something for the too cool, and even something just to glamour-ize someone.  Just in time for the holiday shopping craze, all the prices a slashed to incredible deals!  So get shopping!

GIVEAWAY: The fabulous people at JC Penney is giving you the chance to win chance to win a pack of 3 Glamour Travel Bags, in addition to a Glamour Tablet Case (to gift, or keep for yourself!) from the Glamour line for sharing how you find time to keep yourself beautiful this holiday season.  To ENTER, from now until December 8th 2011 you MUST visit this FORM and tell us how you find time to keep yourself beautiful this holiday season.
For an additional (3) entries – 1st Option – If you follow me on twitter @momconfessional and re-tweet this giveaway (I just entered @momconfessional’s @JCPenney #Giveaway and you should too! http://wp.me/pLvfH-1a8) – 2nd Option – If you “like” us on Facebook and share the giveaway with your friends.  – 3rd option – subscribe to Mom Confessionals.  DON’T FORGET to visit this FORM and leave a separate entry for each action. Giveaway only open to those with U.S. addresses and must be 18 years or older. Giveaway ends on December 8th 2011 at 11:59 EST. A winner will be selected randomly by Random.org and notified by e-mail.

{ disclosure : Mom Confessionals received a $50 gift card to spoil herself, who really needs a reason for that? }

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I wonder how parents do it.  Lately it seems that my little girl is growing leaps and bounds before my very eyes.  First it was her very first day of school and now her big move to her big girl bed!  From her adorable cute and small little toddler bed to a grown-up full-size bed.  I know!  A full-size bed!  I struggled with this too!  But remembering that day, months before she graced us with her appearance, standing at the furniture store, I assured my husband that a convertible bed was the best investment we could make.  Who knew he’d hold me to that!  Ever hear about the crazy pregnant lady?!

And now the day is here, having outgrown the toddler bed, she wanted a bigger bed.  Although I don’t think she realized how big her bed was going to be and her parents didn’t give enough thought to spacial arrangement.  Daddy abandoned the new full-size bed smack dab in the middle of the room and left me to figure it out.  Thank goodness, mom here (yea that’s me! tooting my own horn!) has some design sense and figured it all out.  I think I deserve a pat on the back for this creative design!

Welcome to Ava’s new room now including a reading nook! At first we were going to move the bookshelf against the wall along side her bureau drawer but I worried she might fall out of her bed which was now twice as high as her toddler bed.  Moving the bookshelf, back to bed, luckily a finished bookcase back, solved my dilemma and created a beautiful unintentional little reading nook.  She now also has a place bedside for her clock and a glass of water.

Here’s the irony — while Ava has upgraded to her big girl bed, Grandma decided she needed to downgrade to a twin-size bed.  Go figure!

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With the start of the school recently upon us, many parents are finding it hard to get kid’s back to sleep on time!  Our family, who has never had a sleep schedule to begin with, has been struggling to get our newly minted pre-schooler into a routine that will last, hopefully, for the next 12+ years. Everyone knows how important a good nights sleep is for your health and well being,  but it also makes for a happier and smarter child.  Sleepy’s, ”The Mattress Professionals,” recently hosted an event at their flagship store on Fifth Avenue to help parents make sure back-to-school is also back-to-sleep.  They brought Dr. Michael Breus, “The Sleep Doctor” to give us some simple tips on just how to do that.

• We’ve heard this a million times before, but keep bedtime consistent.  If there’s a place to start for this family, I think this would be it!
• Do NOT rile up the kids before bed!  This advice is best for my husband who comes home quite late in the day and it’s Christmas day all over again when he walks through the door.  What ever the kids are doing, they drop everything and run to greet their father.  Who happily swoops them up in his arms and gives them some rough-housing.
• One of my favorite tips is having the “power down hour”.  A great tip for even the parents.  Turn off the TV, put the cell phones, etc., on off and just relax.  Bring the day from 100 mph to 5 mph.
• For the adults, I learned if you’re having trouble sleeping, look at your caffeine intake.  Caffeine can stay in your system for 12+ hours sometimes depending on your metabolism.  Making your last consumption around 2pm in the afternoon is optimal.
• For those with real trouble sleeping, trying counting backwards from 100 in a multiple that requires some real though, ie. in 3′s or 7′s.

Dr. Breus also launched his own line of mattresses to help you sleep optimally through his 4 Tenets For Better Sleep:

The first of it’s kind to be designed by a sleep doctor with your health in mind.  If you purchase a Dr. Breus Bed, it comes with the Complimentary House Call Program.  Through the program, Dr. Breus will serve as your personal expert guide and coach through any transition time you may need from your old mattress to your new Dr. Breus Bed. You’ll receive important information, educational resources, and tips to help you get a better nights sleep.

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There are points in history they say you’ll never forget.  Until that one fateful morning, I hadn’t found one moment that I would never forget.

It was a morning, just like any other morning.  In the corporate communications office of Merrill Lynch bright and early, readying for the day.  I changed from my sneakers into my pumps, grabbed my wallet and was about to head down to the cafeteria to grab some breakfast when we noticed a plane coming awfully close to the building and then CRASH!

Everyone froze and many scrambled to turned on their televisions in their offices.  It was business as usual on TV and one of my co-workers muttered, “What an idiot, how did he not see the building.”  A bunch of us stood by the window gaping, wondering what to do, if the people in the plane and building were okay.  The news had now picked up on the crash but still, no one knew what was going on.  Then my boss said, “There’s another plane.  Why’s he coming so close?”  Another co-worker wondered if there was some computer malfunction and then the second crash.

My boss grabbed me by the back of my shirt and I fell out of my shoes, I quickly lunged to pick them up as he dragged me towards the stairs, he said to me, “That was NOT an accident.”  Everyone was running towards the door.  While the alarms had sounded, it was eerily quiet, mixed with a few sniffles, as everyone filed orderly into the stairwell and down 32 flights of stairs to the streets.   My shoes were still in my hands as I stared up at the two burning buildings.  My co-worker came up next to me and said, that’s not rain and we both turned away in realization.  As we were directed to walk north along the west-side highway up to a satellite office, I kept wondering what movie this was.  Unable to comprehend what was happening.  I held my co-workers arm tightly as we wept and walked.

There was silence, until the screeching and screams, we turned around to see the first building falling down and ran as the smoke started coming towards our direction.  We ran and ran and ran until we reached our satellite office and were ushered right in,  I had no more breath.  We all sank to the floor unable to process what had happened and I still was trying to figure out what movie this was, because this couldn’t be happening.  Even the most collected of people seemed turned around.  Some people went into crisis mode, following company protocol, and others like me, just didn’t know what to do.  We all wanted to call someone, anyone, but all the phone lines were down.  As my colleague started to take a head count we realized one of our own was missing.  He wasn’t in his office, he wasn’t on the streets, we tried calling his cellphone, no one could remember seeing him.  Then the realization hit, he was at the World Trade Center.  He was suppose to be delivering a press conference on the 106th floor of 1 World Trade Center when the attack occurred.  We all hoped and prayed he wasn’t in the building.  Maybe he was late someone said.  We all knew better.  Robert, fondly known as “Bob”, McIlvaine was never late.  Everyone gave each other hugs and parted to find their loved ones.  Still in a daze, I headed north with some of my co-workers.  My feet were blistered from walking in heels and I took them off and started to walk uptown barefoot.  For the most part it was a quiet walk, bidding well wishes and farewell to co-workers at different points.  Storefronts along the way were passing out water.  Parked cars had their windows open with their radios turned up so we could hear the news as we walked by.  By the time I hit 34th Street and the west side, I was by myself.  My mom’s office was still another 25+ blocks away.  A middle eastern man asked me if I’d like to walk along with him and I said yes.  He stopped by a nail salon and purchased me a pair of $5 slippers to walk in.  He told me he was trying to get to his daughter’s school and then to his wife’s office.   He told me he would walk with me as far as he could which was about 20 blocks.  I was so grateful for his company.  We didn’t say much else to each other but it was still comforting to walk together.  I’ll never forget his kindness.  The rest of the days and weeks were a blur.

I remember the sickening feeling I had when my boss announced that we were going to back to the World Financial Center as one of the first companies back.  To show America and the world, that we would not be broken.   I remember walking into our building, which was once alive with thousands of people chattering away and the now eery silence and the elevator that only went to 2 floors – our floor and ground floor.  I remember being one of the first to walk through those elevator banks and back into our offices, now cleared of old breakfast trays and coffee cups.  My sneakers still under my desk and the September 11th New York Times and Wall Street Journal, yellowed with age, sitting on my desk.  I held back the tears, as did my coworkers, but I could see we all had that same watery glint in the corner of our eyes.  I remember my co-worker walking over to Bob’s office and closing the door.  I remember thinking, it will never be the same again.

Many people assumed when I left my job at the World Financial Center, it was to move onto the next step in my career.   While that was true, I had also imagined myself with a long career at this company but the memories of that day haunted me at every turn.  In the years since I’ve left, I’ve never gone back to the site, averted my eyes when I’m in the area.  With every thought, the emotions were overwhelming.  If I didn’t look, if I didn’t think about it, it would be okay.  My whole life changed on that fateful day, as many others would also say.

In honor of those lost, make your life have meaning.  Give someone a hug, help a stranger, share the love.  Give a smile.

[image from: http://www.theharrowgroup.com/articles/20020401/WTC_facts.htm]

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Yesterday was my daughter’s very first day of school as she entered Pre-K.  No one could have been looking forward to this day more than I.  I had been dreaming of this moment before she was even born along with many other dreams.  Filled with excitement as she got dressed in her Nerdy but Cute T-shirt, her staple leggings with her new velcro (requested) Puma sneakers and her beautiful Land’s End back pack.  We spent the night before perfecting her First Day of Pre-K sign for our family photo commemorating the occasion.  Mommy drew an apple and wrote “First Day of” and Ava who had been working hard on her penmanship wrote “PRE-K” and brought out her inner artist and drew a beautiful flower, “because I love you Mommy!”

My family must have been quite a sight at this prim and proper school as my husband, sister and I escorted Ava to school and into her classroom, taking loads of pictures along the way.  Pictures of the front entrance, picture of her cubby, picture of her desk, picture of her attendance apple, picture of her wall.  We were just so excited for her!

The hardest part of the past few years is the lingering guilt I have for taking her out of daycare.  With my career change and subsequent schooling, we no longer could afford to send her.  I was racked with guilt taking her out in an environment she was so thriving in.  Every day, even at the tender age of 2 years old, she was giddy to go to school (daycare).  She loved her teacher and her teacher loved her.  Every day she learned something new, and her teacher said there didn’t seem to be a task she couldn’t tackle.  She was a sponge, a very gifted sponge her teacher said.  It broke my heart sending in the letter to the teacher letting her know we could no longer afford to send her.  On her very last day, her teacher cried and hugged her tight.

For the past two years as I pushed forward with school, she spent most of her days with her grandmother.  While it was a wonderful time filled with love, it was not a teaching environment.  She spent most of those days watching TV or causing trouble per grandma.  We interpreted that as her being bored.  She was yearning for stimulation and education.  Whenever we could and not as often as we would have liked, we took her to museums and aquariums and other education events and you could see the dancing lights in her eyes.  While my excitement for this day was exploding, hers was palpable.  We had been preparing for this day ever since she got her acceptance letter.

As expected my outgoing girl had no problem acclimating.  She practically burst through those doors if we hadn’t been holding her hands ever so tightly.  She embraced her new teachers and didn’t hesitate to bid us farewell — shooing us out the door as we snapped some last few shots… She was right at home… and so our big girl was off to school!  The first of many more…

I can’t wait to hear about her day… every day…

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The other evening I was invited to attend an intimate dinner at an exclusive underground restaurant called Sotto Terra hosted by Food Network chef George Duran and Supermarket Guru Phillip Lempert.  We were promised a delicious Italian 4-course meal and scintillating conversation on the latest food trends with other foodies.  I was salivating at the thought of this meal and it was long due for a date night with my husband.  He doesn’t often partake in my Blogger perks but he was definitely interested in this one.

Even more exciting was that I was allowed to offer this same amazing experience to one of my readers and their guest.  My excitement was palpable.  I was tweeting away, getting my friends to share and spread the news.  When it was time to draw the winner, I was pleasantly surprised to see the entrant and winner (out of 119 entries) was none other than my children’s pediatrician and his wife (who is a loyal Mom Confessionals reader)!

When I congratulated my winner and gave her the details, I promised it was going to be an amazing night and they could acknowledge my husband and I or simply enjoy the meal between the two of them.  I myself couldn’t wait for what promised to be a delicious meal.  You see, life’s been a little rough these days for my family.  My mother was recently diagnosed with cancer and I was desperately trying to study for my NCLEX, it was hard to find a balance between being supportive to the woman who gave me life and studying for an exam that would change the course of our future for my family.  On Monday of this past week, I took my exam and the night before this dinner, I found out that I had passed — I was now and RN!  My entire family had worked, supported me in my pursuit and it had finally paid off!  A huge weight had lifted off my shoulders and finally allowed me to fully focus on my mother and her needs.  I felt this dinner was going to be our brief moment to celebrate.  My husband was excited.  It’s not often that we take the time out sans children to just enjoy each other.  I think we both really needed this.

The night of this exclusive dinner at Sotto Terra came.  Despite the 4 hour chaos of trying to finding my sister at JFK after her plane landed but was not heard from, who flew home to be with our mother.  I got home a half hour before I had to leave for dinner.  I got dressed as quick as I could, let the kids reintroduce themselves to their Aunt who they hadn’t seen in months.  I found my cleanest pressed pants and fancy top, put on a little make up even remembering to put on my earrings for a little sparkle.  I was suppose to pick up my husband at 5:00pm but as I was running late, he graciously told me he would simply meet me downtown, allowing me not to have to detour through midtown and its traffic knowing being late is one of my biggest pet peeves.  I got into the city and parked by 5:50pm.  I couldn’t believe that I made it on time but couldn’t wait to get this dinner started.

I already knew this dinner was going to be hosted in a private brownstone and was thrilled to greet my guests right at the front door.  We ooohed and aaaaahed at the decorations and set up.  The wife was so excited to meet chef George Duran.  I obviously hadn’t done my research on him, but knowing he was from the Food Network was all the validation I needed.  I was sure we were in for a treat.  I even drank a glass of sangria for the first time in years.  I am typically not a drinker but this was a night of celebration.  I sat and chatted with my guests and my husband.  They told me how excited they were for this dinner.  How they had gotten a sitter to watch their 4 children and he even left his practice early to make this dinner his wife was so eager for.  She was a huge George Duran fan.  She couldn’t believe that he was actually here with us!

We noshed on delicious endive salad bites.  The mood in the air was light and cheerful.  Moments later we descended down into the dining area.  More oooohs and aaaaahs erupted.  Lots of pictures were taken.  For those who know me, I’m not an adventurous eater.  I love my basics and usually will never veer off my favorites but this was an experience and I was going for it.  I didn’t snub one dish.  I drank up the Watermelon and Cucumber Gazpacho shots.  Chowed down on the Strawberry Arugula Salad with Honey Balsamic Vinaigrette.  Devoured the Herbed Cheesy Garlic Bread.  I was a little disappointed that the main course was simply Lasagna but I was sure that we were in for a treat at the hands of chef George Duran.  When it came out, it was nothing spectacular, it was good, I wasn’t wowed like I was with the other dishes but it was good.  I cleansed my palate on a Mojito Granita shot, there seemed to be a lot of alcohol consumption on my part, well a lot for someone who never drinks.  I obsessed over the Razzleberry Pie a la mode and then the bomb dropped.

Our entire meal was a SHAM!  We were unwilling participants in a bait-and-switch for Marie Callender’s new frozen three cheese lasagna and there were cameras watching our reactions.  I’ve got a sense of humor so I was okay with it and I had been enjoying myself up until that point, but I could tell that the rest of the participants were not.  Everyone feigned weak shock and faked approval of the frozen meal.  My guests were eager to leave all of a sudden and refused to sign the release.  I felt awful!  The conversation had fallen to an awkward silence as our hosts tried to fill in the empty air.  When suggested we move the conversation back upstairs, everyone took themselves upstairs and out the door, include myself, my husband and our guests.  I must have been still somewhat hopeful when my guest asked me so is Sotto Terra real or not?  I said I thought it still might be a project that chef George and Phil were working on.  I realize how stupid and gullible I must have sounded later.

The first thing out of my husband’s mouth was waste of time and I was reduced to tears.  Not only had I been duped but now my husband was mad at me and my guests/pediatrician must of thought of me terribly.  Its even crossed my mind that I may need to find a new pediatrician, I was that embarrassed.  My only comfort was as we left, his wife said to me, Thank God he at least cooked the rest of the meal.  But that also hinted at the major disappointment.

Always trying to think positive, I still felt I learned a lot that night.  I learned about Community Supported Agriculture – CSA’s and how to be an informed consumer of seafood through an iPhone app called Seafood Watch.  But I was gently reminded this morning that this was an example of PR agencies undervaluing bloggers and their lack of care for my online reputation.  I was set up to promote this event to my readers and as such, when I’m excited I love to share.  I put my name out there based on the information I received from them and got burned in a big way.  If only I had took the time to check my twitter feed while taking my mom to Sloan Kettering and picking my sister up from the airport, I might have caught the warnings but I had to be offline to put my family first.

I want to deeply apologize to my winner and her husband, my children’s beloved pediatrician.  They were expecting an amazing meal and a true experience at the hands of famous Food Network chef they were fans of and were left with a really foul taste in their mouths.  I too was completely surprised and I promise you, had I known, I would not have encouraged you to sacrifice your valuable time and money only to be tricked.  I am profoundly embarrassed and hope that you will accept my sincerest apologies.

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Bloggers, have you looked recently at all the stuff you’ve accumulated?  I’m not talking about just the swag, but the papers, press releases and ALL those flash drives!  I love those flash drives.  I’d rather get them than the hard copies but to that end, I’ve amassed over 84 of them in the past year.  I remember the days when I had to purchase one for school and they were a pretty penny.  Now I’m practically raining them!   It has become a mission for me to figure out what to do with all those flash drives.

Over time, a minute here and there, I open up my Mac Disk Utility and format those babies, one at a time.  Once formatted they’ve gone into a handy little box labeled FORMATTED.  At first I considered donating them to my daughter’s school.  While I am sure that they would greatly appreciate them, I wanted them to do a greater good.  A greater good you say?  What do I mean?

Well, a little research uncovered that flash drives are need for everyone from schools in under-served neighborhoods, to organizations helping teen boys find jobs and single moms returning to the work force.  A little more digging and I discovered some great places in New York City via a New York Magazine Article – “Where to Donate Everything” –to donate all my flash drives, blogger swag drag and all the other excess in my life.

The Flash Drives will be heading to Mercy Center  (377 E. 145th St., nr. Willis Ave., the Bronx; 718-993-2789) for its women’s job-training program, the center needs new 1 and 2 GB flash drives, which I’ve got a plethora of!

Looking at the list, I’ve got tons of used baby items that would be greatly appreciated by The Children’s Aid Society (105 E. 22nd St., at Park Ave. 212-949-4684)  The Society is in dire need of new shoes and apparel—as well as strollers, diaper bags, car seats, and high chairs—for the 100,000 kids (ages 0 to 11) that it serves. I’ve got much and yet so little of what they truly need.

How about it Bloggers and Friends, would you join me and make charity a year round thing?

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