This is 36. #Fit2BMe

mickeyWhen people say age is just a number, it must have embedded itself somehow as a mantra in my head.   After my 30th birthday, I simply forgot how old I was.  It’s not often you’re asked your age anymore when you’ve got children.  Along with forgetting how old I am, I also forget how old everyone else is, well except for my children and my husband, who by the way is 1 year closer to 40 than I am, in case you didn’t know.  Ask me how old my parents are and it’s easier for me to tell you the years they were born, as well as my own, then the actual calculation of the age.  In fact I think I was shocked to realize my dad was over 60 and even more shocked when I realized I was already 35, gone and past.  Does it really matter?

I’m not sure how 36 should feel.  I look around and I see other 36 year olds, all in different stages of their lives and I think the number doesn’t really matter anymore.  There was a time when 36 meant certain certainties.  As a child, I remember thinking 30 was old, 36 was just ancient.  I may have even thought this in my 20’s having seen a few lingering 30+ at the clubs.  Growing up my parents were perpetually always in their 30’s to me and they knew everything.  If’ that’s what 36 is suppose to be then I’m failing.

At 36, I still don’t know everything.  Sometimes when my kids ask me things, I don’t always know the answer, and they know it too.  Which amazes me because my parents always knew the answers to everything or they were the best bluffers ever!  I feel like I’m learning something new everyday!  Life isn’t decided for me or done for me.  I may be in a very good place right now, incredibly blessed all around but I don’t feel like my story is finished.  Being a mom of 3, a nurse, a wife a blogger doesn’t define me.  My story isn’t complete, it’s just beginning. 

lr3__MG_0534-3093903998-OThis past year has brought a lot of learning.  It’s been a good year, minus one health crisis.  Even with that, I feel tremendously blessed to be alive.  The one thing I will continue to take with me is being generous.  Not just being generous with your possessions but generous with your friendship, knowledge and love. I am happiest when I can make others happy.  I guess that’s why I’m a nurse.  Taking care of people, whether it’s my husband, my children, my friends or my patients truly fulfills me.  For me it’s been the most rewarding emotionally.  I strongly believe that most of the world is filled with good people who do not want to do you harm. This little change in mind set is amazing.  I don’t feel slighted when I’m not invited to something.  When my work schedule gets changed I don’t think someone was out to get me.  Because at the end of the day, I’m still really blessed in life.  I have an amazing supportive family. I get to help bring new lives into the world for a living and this job let’s me still make being mom top priority.  I never really thought of being a blogger as a career but here I am and it’s been an amazing experience for both myself and my family.  We’ve been so enriched by it and given so many once in a life time experiences, it’d really be ok if I never got invited to anything ever again.

10155985_10152449375645159_1310450403511919310_nIf there is one thing I’d like to change for 36 is to focus a little on me.  I finally hear my husband loud and clear, who, in his round about way of pushing me to go to the gym, was trying to tell me to find time for myself (his way).  Even with my most routine care of myself, getting my nails done, I struggle with taking that 1 hour out of every 2 weeks to do this.  I was once asked how much I tip them and my response was more if they are quick and finish under an hour.  I prioritized everyone else over myself.  

My recent health crisis brought to light if I didn’t start taking care of myself, there would be no one to be ME to everyone else.  There would be no mommy to give “kiss and hug” to my babies before they go to bed.  That really made me sad.  It’s not easy to focus on me.  I find it still a little selfish,  but slowly but surely starting with#Fit2BMe, my new mantra.  I started to go to the gym.  Even when I’m completely exhausted, it’s amazing what an hour at the gym can do.  I try to relieve myself of the guilt when I go to get my nails done.   I actually feel revitalized, my head cleared and refocused.  It’s actually made me a better version of me. Who knew!

Here’s to 36!