We have an affectionate Chinese nickname for the infant which loosely translates in English as our “soul”. Everyday that I look at him I am amazed that he is here with us now. For a child who almost wasn’t, to a child who constantly has us on our feet, you’d never know by his amazingly calm disposition. What life’s handed him is a whole bowl of lemons and yet he keeps on making lemonade which he loves to share.
If I could admit one deep confession, it’s that I’m petrified of losing him. Everyday, if possible, I fall more and more deeply in love with him and I sit in fear of not seeing him again. Most days I’m able to package those feelings up and shove them somewhere deep in my subconscious, but every time we have another scare, those feelings resurface and they come back stronger than the last. If I could psychoanalyze myself, currently knee-deep in my Psych rotation, I compensate by relishing in his presence aka indulging him. That’s really not a hard thing to do considering he rewards us with his criminally handsome smile (yea, I learned that phrase on the train today and it stuck) for no particular reason at all.
This cycle began almost immediately when we decided to forgo anymore genetic testing and forge on with our pregnancy. Granted it wasn’t an easy thing to do when in my mind if I ever even gave thought to the odds being in our favor or thinking positively always seemed to get me the opposite effect. I struggled daily with those demons, wavering between defiance and deep fear, but I still wanted to be in my happy place, anxiously waiting his arrival, ignoring the possibilities or the uncertainties and focusing only on my factuals.
What resulted was a gorgeously built custom furniture piece that I considered my husband’s labor of love. This was his first foray into furniture building but he took such care, time and attention to detail, it was perfection! I cried when I first laid eyes on its completed installation in the nursery. I designed the piece on a sheet of paper, and here it was came to life – 4 deep draws and two wide bookshelves.
Our friends really rallied with us and everyone contributed a little something to his room. The theme to his room was still undecided. We wanted so much for our little boy and at the same time, if he graced us with his presence, we’d be happy with any road he wanted to take. We see-sawed between his father’s sports aspirations, and typical boy themes like cars, fishing and sailing. When we realized that my nephew’s hand me down crib was missing a few critical pieces, one of our good friend’s stepped in with their gently used designer crib. It was a godsend as money had gotten tight with my recent acceptance to Columbia University’s School of Nursing ETP program. Some dear friends who were also pregnant with Marcus’ best friend generously purchased 3 perfectly fitted locker style storage boxes for the custom furniture piece. Another adorned the room with a toddler size NY Yankee’s cap which he quickly outgrew.
Marcus’ sudden arrival left things mid-completion, but we were okay with it as we had the most amazing baby to enjoy. Our family felt complete with his arrival.
Nearly a year old with many ups and downs, we finally sat down to finish off his nursery. As the infant is moving into his next stage in life, and our newly expecting friends who lent us their designer crib needing it back soon — Delta Children generously donated their Liberty Toddler Bed which fits perfectly in his nursery. Not really sure what to expect when it comes to children’s furniture since they range the whole gamut from being crappy to expensive and well built, the toddler bed came in a small unassuming box. Once assembled we realized not only was it gorgeous, it was sturdy and well built too! So much so that the toddler insisted on sleeping on her baby brother’s new bed in his room for the next week. And while we were fearful of her jumping up and down on the bed causing it to break in half, it passed the test! Ahh the novelty of new! We’re so happy that Marcus finally has a bed he can call his very own.
Next came the bare “Splash” blue walls. After seeing a friend’s nursery which looked like a hand-painted work of art, I was shocked to find out it was wall decals! Wanting something equally unique for Marcus’ walls, I trolled my favorite site, Etsy.com and stumbled upon DecoMod Walls and fell instantly in love with their construction and city skyscrapers kits as well as their prints. We had landed on a theme!
The nursery was now Marcus’ favorite room to play in. Now temporarily lined with foam alphabet mats as he teeters and totters trying to stand and walk, he can be found playing happily with his cars, trucks and trains in his construction themed room. I think we’ve built a strong foundation that will last a lifetime.