I’m a bad wife…

During one of Ava’s playdates, the mother turns to me and says, “is it just me or do you want to kill your husband on a daily basis?” At that moment I had to laugh. Granted it was when our little ones were about 8-9 months old when still the majority of their care was still in the mother’s hands. I did remember the feelings of anger and resentment more often than not. My DH is an avid sports player and more recently in the past several years, an avid golfer. While I couldn’t get enough time with my daughter, it seriously perturbed me that he seemed to be running for the hills, aka golfing, every chance he got. It got so bad I use to calculate, in my sleep deprived haze, the proportion of time he actually spent with our daughter to golfing, working, or whatever reason I was annoyed at him for at that moment. I even admit to tagging on a few extra hours to make my point — which always fell on deaf ears. Then something always happens and makes me feel guilty…

DH, after working until 5am in the morning and picking his sleep deprived self to head to work yesterday, only to come home late as well, missed dinner with the family and barely made it home in time for Ava’s bathtime. Since the “I want to kill you” phase, DH has taken on the role of giving Ava her bathes every night. At first it was my imposed “time” with Ava, but I think they both began to relish her bath time together, it is their “thing”. While she doesn’t mind mommy giving her a bath, if daddy’s around, she’d much prefer bath time with him. Often with a “Go Momma, Go” and a gentle nudge to get off the stool for daddy to sit. He was able to enjoy a few minutes and wrap up bath time before work called again. I got little Miss Ava dressed in her ‘jamas as she beckoned for milk. As I nursed her, the little princess fell asleep. As I closed the door to her bedroom, DH came rushing up the stairs. I will never forget the look on his face when he asked, “She fell asleep?” When I nodded confirmation, he looked crushed.

I don’t know when exactly it happened, but over the last six months, Ava’s become the apple of his eye. I use to wonder if he ever felt the same immense love or connection that I felt to her. How I hated dropping her off to school, envied how she had no problem leaving me but looked forward everyday to picking her up from school because her greeting was just the most scrumptious ever! It felt like she genuinely missed me every day. Whenever the rare opportunity presented itself for him to pick her up from school, I wanted him to experience that moment. I never quite knew if he felt the same way I did about that moment, but I hoped. After seeing his crestfallen face last night, I realized he did. After a long day at work, he relished snuggling with his little piggy, he found the same comfort and felt the bad day melt away when with her.

So maybe today, while I still HATE golf, I want to kill him a little less =0)…

About Suzanne Chan

Suzanne is student, daughter, wife, (labor & delivery) certified registered nurse, certified lactation counselor, friend, entrepreneur and blogger – but the job she's most proud of is mother… She shares her journey on this blog and The Disney Files. Read more about her here.

  • IMMomsDaughter

    I too had resented the fact that I seemed to be the one who is sacrificing more ME time to be with the kids. I think communication is important and such misunderstandings can be cleared if couples talk to each other more. You know how MEN are, they can be such clueless creatures 😉

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